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Joe Bo’s College Exam: Off the field, Buckeyes trail Gators and Trojans

December 22, 2009

Off the Field Buckeyes Trail Gators and Trojans

OSU SUSPENDS THREE ACTUAL PLAYERS AND SOME GUY FOR ROSE BOWL

USC LOSES THREE AND McKNIGHT

By Joe Bodolai

Talented but troubled kick returner/wide receiver Roy Small (no stranger to the principal’s paddle) is one of three players and some guy that I think is on the roster have been declared ineligible for the Rose Bowl on January 1st against Oregon. Joining Small are the Buckeyes’ freshman receiver Duron Carter, son of the great Cris Carter, defensive lineman Robert Rose, son of either Bette Middler or somebody named Rose, and a walk-on running back named Bo DeLande. It’s never a good sign to use the word “walk-on” when referring to a “running” back even if your name is “Bo” so, dude, I feel you.

Small was suspended two games at the beginning of the season for ”unspecified violations of team rules“ rumored to be either academic or green and leafy, one test he supposedly aced. Rose (ironically missing the Bowl he could have lied to girls about as being named after him) and Carter were declared ineligible for academic reasons. Little is known about the reason for DeLande’s suspension, likely because little is known about DeLande, other than the fact that his name conjures up Herve Villechaize saying ”Da Plane!“ on the 70’s TV show which starred the ”rich Corinthian leather“ guy. Bing it kids.

Ohio State, however, lags far behind last year’s national champions Florida in actual arrests, despite Maurice Clarett’s impressive post-collegiate career in the orange uni. Urban Meyer’s program has racked up an impressive 27 of his players majoring in Miranda during his tenure. The Buckeyes’ suspensions are a study in contrast between the programs’ disciplinary tendencies.

After a caught on tape incident in which Gators defensive star Brandon Spikes was seen clearly gouging the eyes of a Georgia player, Meyer came down with uncharacteristic Gator chomp severity for an infraction that is not even allowed in UFC or MMA or whatever prison gang violence posing as sports on Spike TV chooses to call itself. Meyer suspended the thug initially for a full two quarters! One per eye I’m guessing. After Spikes was likely “coached up” on how he would be the spokesperson for the PR spin and ”ask“ for a much stricter penalty he got it – a whole game! Meyer suspended Spikes for the entire game against Vanderbilt. Imagine the moral dilemma an angst-ridden Meyer would have faced had the next game been against, oh, say, Alabama. The thought conjures up images of Nixon in his Hamlet-like conversations with paintings of past Presidents walking the corridors of the White House. (Bing again or email me for suggested reading or Dan Aykroyd on SNL sketch suggestions.)

Then another defensive stalwart Carlos Dunlap was found by police asleep in his car in the middle of an intersection – drunk. He was suspended for one entire game. Okay, it was against Alabama and Florida lost. After this loss, and despite drunk driving being an offense that takes thousands of lives each year, unlike ”academic ineligibility“, Meyer and the University had no problem reinstating him for the Sugar Bowl. And do I have to do a search to find out if there are criminal charges? Okay, you do it.

And this just in, Florida has lost receiver Brandon James with a foot injury.

Meanwhile on the other coast, USC’s Pete Carroll was probably too busy sulking over his sucking to notice that his running back Joe McKnight had been cruising around in a Range Rover. Those wheels probably don’t stand out at the University of Spoiled Children. A Santa Monica ”businessman“ claims he bought it for McKnight’s baby mama, whose family couldn’t qualify for credit. Yeah, that’s exactly the kind of car that people who don’t qualify for credit need to be driving. The ”businessman“ did not answer the question of exactly who was making the payments or if the car was fully paid for and was a gift to… her, yeah, to her, not him, but there is the crux of the matter. The Los Angeles Times, my paper of choice for bird cage lining and dog training, failed to bring up that question because, it seems, they swallow everything Petey gives them.

USC also has found three players academically ineligible: tight end Anthony McCoy (a starter), defensive tackle Averell Spicer, and offensive tackle Tyron Smith. And the Condoms just announced that Joe McKnight will not be making the trip to San Francisco for the bowl game.

So it looks like Joe McKnight, like his predecessor Reggie Bush, won’t leave early for the NFL because he doesn’t want to take a pay cut.

Meanwhile, the Buckeyes have reacted with integrity and have supported the values of academics and proper conduct for their student-athletes. For that, they are winners off the field as well as on. And that’s really the only right way to win in college football.

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4 Comments leave one →
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