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Joe-Bo’s College Quiz: Mostly False Yet Strangely True

December 24, 2009

By Joe Bodolai

True: The 1910 Big Ten conference championship was won by one of the conference’s founding members, The University of Chicago, who won seven titles under the legendary Amos Alonzo Stagg. The Maroons also gave us Jay Berwanger, the first ever Heisman Trophy NFL bust in 1935, followed 70 years later by NFL bust Reggie Bush.

True then Not True: When pre-sliced bread was invented in1928 Joe Paterno was already two years old. In Italian his name means “fatherly”. It is not true that Buckeyes’ coach Jim Tressel’s name means “railroad bridge”. It means “almost as exciting as a railroad bridge.”

True: In the last four years Urban Meyer’s Florida Gators have accumulated 251 traffic tickets. Talk about racking up the points. And does Meyer get all those thug recruits because his name is “Urban”? You hear dat, J-Tress?

True: A certain Mr. Alexander plays for Florida State? What’s his first name? Not Jason. I told you, it’s “Mister” Alexander. “Excuse me Mrs. Alexander, can Mister come out and play?” “You mean my husband or my son?” They might need Lawyer Milloy and Lawyer Tillman to settle this one.

Not true: Nebraska denies nickname ”Cornhusker“ is a euphemism for “mohel” but agrees nickname would be “cool if there were any Jews in Nebraska.”

True: Youngstown is big in the BCS. Former Cardinal Mooney high school teammates are now opposing head coaches in Holiday Bowl. Mike Stoops takes Arizona to San Diego to face Nebraska’s Bo Pelini. I pick Nebraska since he has one more Youngstown coach on his staff, his brother Carl. Why are the Pelinis in Nebraska? When’s the last time you’ve been to Youngstown?

“It is what it is” named college coach cliché of the year. Related: Mike Leach’s “phat little girlfriends” speech (okay, tirade) engraved in stone at entrance to Texas Tech stadium. Located somewhere in Texas. I’m pretty sure.

Great NCAA names: Utah teammates Sausan Shakerin and Shaky Smithson flummox Shakey’s Pizza deliveries.

True then Not True: How many women have scored in men’s college football (on the field) during a game. Ready? Three. Liz Heaston kicked three extra points for NAIA Willamette; Ashley Martin also had two PATs for Jacksonville State and Katie Hnida had two as well for New Mexico in 2003. Post college careers soured when Playboy decided “Girls of the NCAA Men’s Football Programs Special Teams PAT Kickers Fourth on the Depth Chart Playing in Garbage Time” wouldn’t fit on the cover.

SMU under first-year coach June Jones is making their first bowl appearance since 1984. The program was struck with the most severe sanction in NCAA history, the so-called “death penalty”. SMU was forced to cancel their entire 1987 season and opted to not field a team in 1988. The effects have taken a quarter-century to overcome, and the resurgence is only a minor success, like the career of Gary Busey, whose role on Tru TV’s “World’s Dumbest” is the Hawaii Bowl of bad TV.

Nebraska’s Ndamakong Suh is the first defensive star to win the AP Player of the Year Award. Okay, it’s only been given out since 1998 and don’t get all up in my business about this, Tebow. There hasn’t really been any defense since 1958.

True: In his senior year at USC, Matt Leinart took only one course – ballroom dancing. Dancing With the Stars, are you reading this? What’s that? Oh, you only cast actual “stars”?

True or false? Canadian college football, unlike its almost-semi-pro CFL counterpart, actually has four downs but, since they’re Canadians, they punt on third down “just to be considerate, eh.”

True: The University of Hawaii changed their teams’ nickname from “Rainbows” to “Rainbow Warriors” to sound “a bit more butch”…especially compared to St. Bonaventure University’s “Bonnies”.

Related yet charming nickname info: Delaware’s teams are called the Blue Hens, including the men’s teams. I guess they’re too polite to call them the Blue Cocks. Who would play the game with blue…never mind.

True then Not True: Tennessee still refers to its women’s teams as the “Lady Volunteers,” confirming that male chauvinism is still alive and well in Division I sports. Barnard College debating whether to call its new male athletics team the “Barnard Boy Bears” or “Barnard Gentlemen Bears.”

Number one NCAA name that could be used for sexual innuendo: “Did you see the pair of Pelinis on that cheerleader? She can husk my corn any time.” Just the phrase “Two Pelinis working in Nebraska” sounds really dirty.

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